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July 2014

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beckingham in gleefic

FOURSOME (Puck/Santana, Puck/Quinn, Puck/Rachel, PG-13)

Title: Foursome
Author: Beckingham
Pairing, Character(s): Puck/Santana, Puck/Quinn, Puck/Rachel
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 575
Spoilers: Bad Reputation, slightly. Inspired by Laryngitis song preview.
Summary: Puck is so (not) screwed.

ff.net link

So here's the thing about Puck that his ladies (categorized under girlfriends, fuck buddies, causal acquaintances, and, finally, baby mommas) will just have to accept for whatever amount of time they choose to put up with him.

The thing being that Santana considers him hers. Which he's down with because, seriously, who wouldn't dig that girl getting all possessive over him. Hell, the amount of cat fights alone are worth it, and Santana fights fucking dirty.

Okay, so sometimes he has to tell her to back off, but baby mommas kinda prioritize on the lady list, even if there (still) hasn't been any putting out. (What? The doctor said that sex was perfectly kosher even at this stage in the pregnancy and the girl keeps cock-blocking him left and right. When Santana isn't.)

Alright, so it's a little annoying that she'll scrap over him but is pretty exclusively cuddling up to Brittany otherwise. He isn't even invited to join in anymore and that shit just isn't right. Like drinking from a fucking Holy grail and then being told he has to go thirsty from now on.

And he's really, really fucking thirsty.

He thinks he's caught a break when Rachel invites him over, because her having feelings for another guy hasn't stopped her from getting with him before. He totally almost has her too, playing his faithful Jew card (or just playing his fucking studliness), but no dice. (Rachel tells him not to mix his metaphors when he complains to her and he assumes this is just a big word way of saying that she won't be bumping uglies anytime soon. Girl just has to rub it in, doesn't she?)

So he has three chicks taking up his time and sending him out for ice cream and making music videos and, well, fuck, just using him without using him.

He doesn't know how the fuck ex-girlfriend became another category that he has to tell Santana to lay off of, but Rachel really was the first person he actually took out on dates and planned to introduce to his mom (instead of those awkward "hi, I just walked in on you going down on my son, no, really, I don't need your name; I can see you have your mouth full"). He figures that earns her some kind of special place just below Quinn, because Jew can't really beat out "my seed is causing you to blow up like a balloon. P.S. You are terrifying when you're hormonal".

God help him if he ever reveals to Santana that she's merely in third place. They all have him by the balls anyway, and he doesn't plan to make that literal anytime soon.

The point is, well, he's horny and frustrated and something needs to be done.

Mr. Schue is always preaching about songs helping to express emotions, so when Puck tells him he has a piece to share, he remembers Sweet Caroline and allows it. He's proud about the changes he's starting to see in Puck's behavior, and thinks he can credit some of that to New Directions.

Then he hears the opening chords for Elvis' "A Little Less Conversation".

(Santana is a combination of amused and annoyed, Quinn crosses her arms and rolls her eyes, and Rachel wonders if Puck has ever thought through anything in his life.

It doesn't matter how turned on they are; they have him right where they want him.

Theirs.)

Comments

Awesome. Love Puck's categorising of the girls, particularly Santana. Also? Canon-refs = WIN.

And the end is so Puck!
Thanks much! (I imagine Puck as the kind of guy that, if taught Excel, would use it to make a spreadsheet of bang-able chicks. Then wonder why he was listing them when he could be out doing them.)
Is it wrong that Puck singing A little Conversation would totaly get me.
To quote Puck, "It's natural."

Thanks for reading!
So cute. So puck!